Blonde

251

A blonde is at a magical staircase that’s 100 steps high. At the top of the stairs are untold riches, but in order to get to the top, you have to hear a joke from each individual stair and not laugh. If you laugh at any joke, you can’t go any higher. The jokes start off lame, but get progressively funnier. The first joke comes and the blond is stoic. Second. Third. Not even a smile. She gets to the 99th step and before the step even tells the joke she bursts out laughing. - “Why are you laughing, I haven’t even told the joke!” The blond wiped away tears of laughter and replied: - “I just got the first one.”

171

A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar in London, England by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the barkeep: - "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: - "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given you are blind, to tell you you're in a girls biker bar and you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously 'Mister', do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a minute, sighs, shakes his head, and mutters: - "No, it's a good joke, but not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

150

Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months? The box said 2-4 years!

136

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

96

What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the lid and throw it back!

94

How many blonde jokes are there? One, the rest of them are true stories.

93

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

92

College teacher: - "What's the capital of Texas?" Blonde: - "T"

91

How many blondes does it take to change a light-bulb? 100, 1 to hold the light-bulb and 99 to turn the house.

90

I came over to my blonde friend the other day and said: - "Hey look a dead bird." She looked up in the sky and said: - "Where?"

89

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

88

Two blondes have met and one of them says: - "Yesterday, during the blackout I got stuck in a lift for three hours!" - "It's nothing. I was standing on an escalator for six hours!"

85

A blonde walks into a library and shouts: - "PLEASE CAN I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER?!" - "Miss, this is a library," the librarian says. - "Oh, sorry," she whispers. "Please can I have a cheeseburger?"

84

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river: - "How do I get on the other side!?" - "You are on the other side!"

83

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair. So she goes to a gun shop and buys a pistol. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband: - "Shut up! You're next!"

45

A blonde rings up an airline: - "How long are your flights from Italy to Moldova?" - "Just a minute." The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

44

How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

43

Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade? Because she's 21.

42

A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says: - "You have acute appendicitis." - "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

41

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

40

Two blondes were driving down the road. The one driving asks the other to see if the blinker is working. So she looks out the window and says: - "Yes. No. Yes. No."

39

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. - "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. - "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks: - "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says: - "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

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