Chuck Norris

132

When Chuck Norris goes skydiving at 10,000 feet he jumps into the plane... from the ground.

82

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

81

Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.

80

Chuck Norris won a gun fight with a knife.

79

God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.

78

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

77

Chuck Norris counted to infinite. Twice.

76

Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands, now they are pregnant.

75

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

74

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: - "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." - "Get out the money," says Chuck, "I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. - "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." - "Get out the money," says Chuck, "I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. - "Well," said Chuck Norris, "first I told him a had a bigger dick than he did. Then I showed him."

73

When Chuck Norris does a push up he does not push up, he pushes the world down.

72

The following is a short list of what Chuck Norris cannot do:

71

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

70

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

69

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

68

Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

67

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

66

Chuck Norris actually died a while back. 💀 Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.

65

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

64

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

63

If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.

62

Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.

61

When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating. He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.

60

Chuck Norris can drown a 🐟 fish.

59

Chuck Norris can send you a roundhouse kick by e-mail.

58

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.

57

Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.

56

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

55

The only reason you woke up this morning is because Chuck Norris allowed you too.

54

Do you know why god is called "God"? Because "Chuck Norris" was already taken.

53

I hate Chuck Norris. Oh SHI...!

52

Chuck Norris could start a fire with 2 ice cubes.

51

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

50

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

49

Chuck Norris can walk on water, he's not God, the water is just afraid of getting him wet.

48

Chuck Norris owns the gold color at the end of the rainbow.

47

Chuck Norris once saw a video twenty four hours long. He saw it three times in a day.

38

Chuck Norris can throw a house through a window.

37

Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy. That is why there is no life on any of them.

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