Dad to son: - "Do you want to hear a joke?" - "Sure." - "Pussy." - "I don't get it." - "Exactly!"
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
A little boy has diarrhea. He says to his mom: - "Mom I need some viagra, I have diarrhea." The mom, in disbelief, asks: - "Why do you need that hunny?" - "Isn't that what you give dad when his shit won't get hard?"
😄 I lent a 👧 hot girl my ☂ umbrella yesterday. 😏 That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother: - "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say: - "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked: - "Really small, was it?" - "No, salty." Mom fainted.
A beautiful blonde woman approaches a pharmacist and asks: - "Do you have extra large condoms?" The pharmacist replies: - "Yes, isle 11." The blonde goes to the isle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her: - "Do you need some help?" - "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy some."
A man goes to a Japan on business and hires a prostitute for the night. He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out: - "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed. The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells: - "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says: - "What do you mean wrong hole?"
A 👦 boy to a 👧 girl: - 😏 "Let’s play the firetruck game." - 😮 "How do we play?" - 😉 "I run my fingers up your leg, and you say 'Red light' when you want me to stop." - ☺ "Okay." ⌛⌛⌛ *Few seconds later* - 😱 "Red light!" - 😎 "Firetrucks don’t stop for red lights."
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: - "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: - "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: - "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a 🛏 bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says: - 😄 "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says: - 🤔 "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Why does 🎅 Santa Claus have such a big sack? 😎 He only comes once a year.
A 👦 son to his 👨 father: - 🙂 "Dad do you remember your first blowjob?" - 🤔😋 "Ohhh, yeah I do! " - 😮 "How did it taste? - 😠😠 "Get out!"
After 📆 fifteen years a 👨 man escapes from prison. He breaks into a 🏡 house looking for 💸 money and 🔫 guns and finds a 💏 couple in 🛏 bed. He ties the 👨 guy to a 💺 chair. While tying the girl to the 🛏 bed he gets on top of her, 😚 kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the 🚻 bathroom. Meanwhile, the husband tells his wife: - 😧 "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his 👕👖 clothes! He probably spent lots of time in prison and hasn't seen a 👩 woman in years. I saw how he 😚 kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. He is probably very dangerous. If he gets 😠 angry, he will kill us. Be 💪 strong, honey. ❤ I love you." - 😏 "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my 👂 ear. He told me he is gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the 🚻 bathroom. Be 💪 strong, honey. ❤ I love you, too!"