A kid to his mum: - ☺ "Mommy can I go swimming?" 🏊 - 😐 "No, because there are sharks in the water." - 😣 "But daddy is swimming." - 😏 "Yeah, but daddy has insurance."
John: "I'm glad you named me John." Mother: "Why?" John: "Because that's what all the kids at school call me."
My teenage daughter came home in a rage: - "I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!" I put down my paper: - "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk: - "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies: - "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps whoever lies. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon: - "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. - "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies." - "What movie did you watch?" - "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. - "Ok, ok, we were watching porn." - "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says: - "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.